2014_05_01-CHOC-blogFor those of you who are regulars to my blog you know that periodically I visit Children’s Hospital and go bedside-to-bedside sharing music, stories and conversation with the children. I’ve been doing this for years. Initially, when I first started, I thought that it would get easier with time; that I would become “somewhat” desensitized to the pain of the children I would witness.

This hasn’t been the case. It is actually getting harder and harder to make these visits each year. I’m experiencing a strange juxtaposition between a feeling of wanting to resist facing the unknown and a compelling sense of need to fulfill purpose.

As I was driving to the hospital I began admonishing myself for having these thoughts. I know most of you will call it self-reflection. It actually felt selfish, somewhat self-centered for me to be thinking about myself, and how I would cope with the experiences I was about to have. It wasn’t lost on me that I was focusing on my own condition without taking into the account the severity of the conditions so many of the children I was on my way to work with are facing.

A sense of shame washed over me. I am being honest. I thought to myself, “How dare I!”

If the truth be told, I receive so much more from the children at Children’s Hospital than I give. I know that whenever I leave the hospital, I will be tormented by a distressing sadness; I also know that I’ve always experienced a deep sense of spiritual fulfillment.

These probably sound like the incoherent ramblings of a doddering old ideologue. I can’t help that.

I made the rounds and did my best to be in a joyous space and bring as much light as possible. I could detail the horrendous states that I found most of the children in and describe, in graphic detail the external appearances of their suffering. That would serve no one.

When I finished my work at the hospital I sat in my car, in the parking lot, for over an hour reflecting on the children whom I had just met. To cross paths with little souls tortured by physical pain but still able to smile and push the bar of courage higher and higher demonstrates a depth of character way beyond their years, far beyond what I may ever know.

It is a blessing to be permitted to be of service. I don’t know of anything more rewarding, or purposeful, in life.

SubscribeNow

SubscribeNow

Join E.L. Cyrs' mailing list to receive the latest news and updates.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Share This

Share This

Share this post with your friends!